And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You dont lie about slip and slides
So much Jack, so little girl.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
