I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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