Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
