I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
