Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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