I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
