it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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