i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
