I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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