I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
