Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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