Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
