how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
