so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
