There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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