oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
