i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
