just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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