I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
