I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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