She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Two words: nipple clamps
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