the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
