he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
