Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
