He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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