The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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