shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
