I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
