and you said cock pushups were impossible
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
