He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
