Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
