I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
