hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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