PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
