tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
