please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
