I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
