Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
