i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
