i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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