I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
