Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
