So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
