tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
