Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
