I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
