I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
