The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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