Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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