I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
