Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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