after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
