goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
