it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So. Much. Porn.
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