Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
