Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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