It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
