ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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