Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
