you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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